Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A Precious Mess

I would not trade it for anything - but life it nuts right now. Each day/week brings with it a whole new challenge - either physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or a combination.

We are getting into a better routine. Burrow (I've officially come up with a nickname for Alice for the blog!! Burrow she is because whenever you hold her she burrows her face into you - and is most content when she looks like she couldn't possibly breathe with her face squished into you like that.) Anyway... Burrow is sleeping pretty consistently at night which means I'm not a walking zombie during the day and don't have to nap all the time and can sweep my floors once in awhile.

Over the last month Burrow has grown and grown and grown. She will be two months tomorrow (March 5) and is pushing 14 pounds and some of her three month clothes are fitting snug. She smiles a lot and coos at you. She enjoys laying on her play mat and kicking her legs. She really really really enjoys eating. And like I said she loves to burrow.

Rufflebum has had a rough month and has been keeping us on our toes and on our knees. She's two and she can be dramatic, and she has two life altering things going on - a new sister and a daddy who travels for work up to 5 days at a time. Poor thing has been compensating her lack of control by throwing more tantrums, pushing limits, hitting, kicking, making herself constipated, crying all the time, etc. etc. On top of that she has recently become terrified of the dark and has acquired separation anxiety from me.

And everything is even more exaggerated when she gets sick.

Mr. San Antonio and I are constantly trying to walk a fine line - trying to figure out how to discipline certain behaviors, while also addressing the deeper motivation behind the behaviors. This is exhausting. It is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And I just gave birth without medication. It's physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting. Praying for wisdom and discernment, lots of grace and mercy, knowing when to ignore certain behaviors, when to address them, when to give a hug, when to let her work things out on her own...

I've never been one to read parenting books... but if someone had a magic guide for all of this I would eat it up.

We have had good moments in the midst of the chaos.

My mom and I took the girls to the rodeo a couple weeks ago and Rufflebum LOVED the petting zoo and the dog show and seeing all the animals up close.

I had a wonderful mommy-daughter date with Rufflebum one afternoon where we shared a muffin and played at the park.

Rufflebum loves going to Community Bible Study each week and when she comes home she tells me - "It was great! My teachers love me!''

Also Rufflebum started taking gymnastics which has been a wonderful outlet for all her energy and her constant longing to jump off things. My heart melts every time she jumps off the mini vault, puts her hands out in front of her and says ''freeze!''

 And Jesus keeps teaching me things through all of this. In my Bible study we are reading John and recently looked at the passage where Jesus washes his disciples feet the day before he is crucified. He knows he is in his final days on earth... and yet contrary to what we would do if we knew we were in our final days (check things off our bucket list), he chose to do something reserved for the lowliest of servants - take off his cloak, get on the floor and rub, scrub, rinse, and dry his best friends' dirty, smelly feet.

I'll tell you what - after meditating on those passages - my attitude has been so much better about cleaning dirty diapers, having snot wiped on me, rocking screaming babies for countless hours, picking cereal off the floor again, cleaning up my husband's dishes, folding my husband's socks, and so on...

If my King, my Savior, found serving to be the most valuable use of his precious time... then maybe I can too.


Alright, no more deep serious thoughts from me today. I'll leave you with what happened yesterday...

It was nap time. Rufflebum was not interested in napping. We were at my parents house and I went through her routine, put her down, and went downstairs.

On the monitor I heard... "Mommy read stories? Mommy read stories?.... Yaya (my dad) play toys?! Yaya play toys!?... Doggies?!?!.... Mimi!?!?!...'' and after about twenty minutes she started crying so I went up to check on her.

When I walked in she pointed to her face and said, "See my tears momma?!?! See my tears?!?!"

"Yes, I see your tears sweetie. I'm sorry you are sad."

"See my tears momma?!?! See my tears coming out my eyes!?!?!"

And cue the dramatic crying...

It took everything in me to wait until I was back downstairs before I laughed.


What a beautiful, precious mess.

The Pampered Bird


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